The Sins of the Father: What Really Happened to Katherine “Toni” Oppenheimer?

Robert Oppenheimer and his kids, Katherine “Toni” and Peter, with his dog named Buddy

While I explored the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki extensively in my book, “The Sun Will Rise Again,” I chose not to include any discussion about J. Robert Oppenheimer, often referred to as the "father of the atomic bomb." At that time, my thought process centered around prioritizing the victims of the bombs rather than the individual responsible for creating such a devastating weapon, fully aware that it would be unleashed upon innocent civilians. After dedicating additional time to understanding the man and his post-war endeavors, I realized it was important to focus more on discussing his life.

Oppenheimer was a remarkable theoretical physicist who was brought on board for the Manhattan Project in 1942. By 1943, he had taken on the role of director at the project's Los Alamos Laboratory in New Mexico, where he was responsible for the development of the first nuclear weapons. His leadership and scientific expertise played a crucial role in the project's success.

Following the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Oppenheimer advocated for the international regulation of nuclear power and weapons to prevent an arms race with the Soviet Union. He later opposed the creation of the hydrogen bomb, citing ethical concerns as one of his reasons.

Regrettably, he ended up alienating several individuals, particularly a man named Lewis Lichtenstein Strauss, who played a key role in initiating the Oppenheimer security clearance hearing, which ultimately resulted in Oppenheimer losing his security clearance and tarnishing his reputation. This would subsequently affect his family members. Katherine "Toni" Oppenheimer, Oppenheimer’s daughter, was likely the one most adversely affected.

Julius Robert Oppenheimer and his wife, Kitty, were blessed with two children. Peter, their eldest child, was born in Pasadena, California, in May 1941, prior to the family's relocation to Los Alamos. Toni was born on December 7, 1944. She was among the numerous children born during the Manhattan Project baby boom.

Kitty struggled heavily with alcohol and did her best to raise two young children. Robert was known to be an emotionally unavailable and complicated person, which strained his relationship with his children particularly when his primary focus was on the project he was leading during their crucial early developmental years. Following Toni’s birth, a mix of postpartum depression and potent alcoholism accelerated Kitty’s downward spiral. She left Los Alamos with her son Peter in April of 1945 to visit Pittsburgh.

Four-month-old Toni spent several months living with Rita “Pat” Sherr, a friend of the Oppenheimers. Pat had experienced a miscarriage and was open to the idea of caring for Toni. Robert visited twice a week, but never requested to see his daughter unless prompted by Pat to do so. Two months later, he inquired if she wished to adopt Toni. When Sherr inquired about the reason, he replied, "Because I can't love her," further explaining that he wasn't "an attached kind of person."

Pat Sherr was the spouse of Los Alamos physicist Rubby Sherr, and they resided together in Los Alamos. Following the war, the couple relocated to Princeton, NJ, where Pat took on the role of librarian at the School of Social Science at the Institute for Advanced Study. During their shared experiences at Los Alamos and Princeton, Pat and Kitty Oppenheimer developed a strong friendship.

Toni eventually returned home to her parents, but she felt the devastating effects throughout her life of being unwanted by both of her parents. Both Peter and Toni stressed the inability to connect fully with their parents throughout their upbringing. Their childhood was vastly different from Robert’s, whose parents provided a nurturing home that provided every resource necessary to help him and his younger brother flourish.

Robert Oppenheimer and his wife, Katherine, and daughter, Toni, visit the Acropolis in Athens in 1958

Upon her father's appointment as the Director of the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, the family relocated to New Jersey. Toni was three years old at that time. Several years later, she became a student at Miss Fine’s School in Princeton, where she excelled academically.

Toni was a reserved girl who garnered admiration for her calm demeanor. Her emotional maturity established her as the cornerstone of a household often marked by instability. Robert Strunsky, a friend of the Oppenheimer family during their time in Princeton, was quite straightforward about the unusual circumstances encountered by the Oppenheimer children. He remarked that “being a child of Robert and Kitty Oppenheimer is to carry one of the greatest burdens in the world.” Toni and her brother Peter were undoubtedly influenced by their parents’ distinctive quirks.

In 1951, when she was just seven, Toni received a mild polio diagnosis. In 1954, the family took her on a trip to St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands to aid in her recovery. Subsequently, Robert spent several months each year on the island, ultimately acquiring a two-acre parcel of land on Gibney Beach in 1957, where he constructed a simple home by the beach. He dedicated a significant amount of time to sailing with Toni and Kitty.

Toni found it challenging to sustain a healthy relationship with her mother. Having been the family's reliable voice of reason throughout her childhood, she started to experience significant pressure. After years of faithfully following her mother's wishes, fetching cigarettes and drinks for her throughout the house, Toni started to push back during her teenage years. Sis Frank, who resided close to the family’s cottage on St. John, remembered that “Toni and her mother were constantly at odds with each other.”

Her relationship with her father was also quite complicated. While he managed to overcome the pressures of Los Alamos and became a devoted father, there are varying reports regarding his capacity to effectively communicate with his children. Some family friends believed that Oppenheimer did not devote enough attention to his daughter, while others perceived their relationship as deeply affectionate.

It is clear that Robert’s death profoundly affected Toni's mental health. Robert Oppenheimer passed away from cancer in 1967. Shortly thereafter, in 1969, Toni Oppenheimer was turned down for a translator role at the United Nations due to the FBI's refusal to provide her with security clearance. The process brought to light numerous communist accusations that had been directed at her father fifteen years earlier during the clearance hearing initiated by Lewis Strauss. Toni struggled to fully heal from the two events.

She went through two unsuccessful marriages, after which she made a permanent move to St. John. She isolated herself in her family's old cottage, having only a handful of friends on the secluded island. In January 1977, a month after her 32nd birthday, she took her own life by hanging herself in the family beach house.